Simplifying Feedback
Two steps that make feedback much easier — and more effective.
As a conflict-resolution practitioner, I get asked all the time which feedback model I like best: SBI®, SBIR/BOOST, IDEA, DESC— the list goes on.
Honestly, the alphabet soup is a clue.
If giving feedback already feels intimidating, a five-step framework can make it feel impossible. People freeze. They wait and hope the problem fixes itself. Or they unload months later in a performance review, and trust takes a hit.
I’m not against models in general; it’s just that feedback already feels complicated enough.
After years of coaching people through real feedback conversations, I’ve noticed something: the best feedback usually does two things well:
It looks to the future
It focuses on behavior
Use both together, and your feedback becomes clearer, kinder, and faster. No acronyms required.
1. Future Focus
Replaying the past is like rewatching a game you already lost. You can study every move, but it won’t change the score.
Feedback lands best when it’s about what happens next.
Future-focused language cools tension and shifts the energy from blame to action.
Instead of:
“You sent the deliverable too last minute for anyone to look at it.”
Try:
“Could you send deliverables two days before the meeting so everyone has time to review?”
Same reality, different focus: forward-looking and specific.
2. Behavior Focus
People can change what they do, not who they are.
“You’re not detail-oriented” feels like a judgment about character. It triggers defensiveness and shuts the conversation down.
“I noticed several typos and missing data in the Q3 financial report” points to something concrete and fixable.
Behavior-focused feedback stays:
Objective – grounded in observable actions
Actionable – tied to clear changes
Easier to receive – about behavior, not identity
Instead of:
“You failed to include key information in the project plan.”
Try:
“The project plan didn’t include all the milestones we discussed. Can you update it before our next meeting?”
You’ve moved from attacking identity to naming a specific adjustment.
The Real Power: Using Both Together
The most effective feedback usually combines future and behavior in the same sentence:
“Moving forward, could you review the draft a little more closely for typos before you send it?”
“For our next meeting, would you mind muting when you’re typing so it’s easier for everyone to hear?”
Why it works:
It names a specific behavior
It points to a clear next time that feels doable
It stays short, respectful, and workable
That’s the sweet spot.
When the Feedback is More Sensitive
For sensitive topics, the same two principles still apply — but one extra step is worth taking:
Ask permission first.
When you signal that feedback is coming, you give the other person’s brain a sense of control and predictability. That lowers threat and makes it easier to actually hear what you’re saying.
You might start with:
“I have a small request that I think could make our meetings more productive. Would you be open to some feedback?”
Then follow with your future + behavior request:
“For our next few team meetings, could you pause and ask one clarifying question before responding when someone disagrees?”
Asking first shows respect and gives their nervous system a moment to brace — so the feedback lands as support, not surprise.
If you’d like a thought partner for a tricky feedback situation, I’m always glad to connect.